


my fingertips point to you

by sayounarahitori



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayounarahitori/pseuds/sayounarahitori
Summary: Sicheng doesn't really get handholding.He doesn't want it, he doesn't need it; but.Sometimes, he wonders.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 14
Kudos: 141





	my fingertips point to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bituinan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=bituinan).



> happy birthday [belle](https://twitter.com/bituinan)! here's a small gift. <3
> 
> (title from nct 127's touch.)

Sicheng doesn’t really get hand-holding.

He gets that sometimes people touch each other’s hands — to help, or to direct, maybe, to high-five or to greet each other, in some countries; but that’s not _holding_. Holding implies that it happens for a long time — that someone just takes your hand and then it’s… indisposed for a while. It’s weird, because Sicheng likes to have control of his body, the way he’s been taught. Touching someone, even being touched, is fine — he likes the occasional hug, too, — but this. This is something he can’t ever imagine himself getting into.

Jaehyun doesn’t hold his hand. He doesn’t touch him that much in general— well, that’s not true. He does, it’s just… more fleeting, like he doesn’t want to overwhelm Sicheng (and he is thankful, truly, even if it’s probably as much a part of Jaehyun’s own preferences as it is thoughtfulness). He will briefly touch his elbow, sometimes, or tug on his wrist — or sleeve — only to let go pretty fast, and a couple times he’s looped their hands around each other. He will lean on Sicheng’s shoulder, or suqeeze him in a hug, and, somehow — Sicheng doesn’t mind. It’s not exhausting the way some of the other members’ affections are. It’s fine. They’re perfect the way they are.

They’re friends, and friends don’t need to hold hands to show affection.

They don’t need to, but.

Sometimes, when Sicheng glances at other members, at how Taeyong’s hand strays towards Doyoung’s and ends trapped inbetween long, bony fingers, at how Donghyuck often will absentmindedly study other members’ knuckles with his own fingerpads, at the easy way some of them just — just hold hands even when walking… he wonders.

Maybe he’s missing something.

And it doesn’t make much sense that he’s thinking about Jaehyun, specifically. Not if it’s just idle curiosity, because — sometimes Donghyuck will squeeze his hand between his palms for a bit. Sometimes Taeil’s hands will inch towards his, not deterred by his attempts to escape. Even Mark has tried it once, only to apologise after profusely.

He could try it with all of them, but it — it just doesn’t — it’s fine. He doesn’t need it. It’s fine.

It’s fine, and then years pass, and the opportunities for any handholding he might try simply disappear. And it’s fine. And he doesn’t see Jaehyun as much. And it’s fine. They’re still good friends, just not as close.

And it’s fine.

“You know, you could just go for it,” Ten mutters in Mandarin, slurping his annoying coffee.

“I did not ask you,” Sicheng replies, even though he knows he shouldn’t. Paying attention to Ten is the worst strategy possible, something he thinks Kun should have learned already, and the fact that he didn’t… well. Gives some room for thought.

“I know he wants you to go over right now,” Ten continues very sweetly. Sicheng considers smothering him with one of the props on set.

“How do you know,” he finally says, sighing, knowing he’s lost already.

“Well, he told Johnny, and Johnny told me— nah, I’m kidding. But I know his little glances,” Ten laughs. “I’ve never known you to be a scaredy cat, Winwin-ie.”

“You clearly don’t know me well,” Sicheng snorts, bitter.

“Go,” Ten whispers in his ear and saunters off to bother Yuta. Over his shoulder, Sicheng sees Yuta give him a thumbs up. God, does everyone know?

And what, exactly, do they think they know?

Feeling like some schoolkid on Valentine’s day — appropriately enough, — he walks over to where Jaehyun is chilling in the corner. The way his face brightens immediately upon Sicheng’s approach is lovely, but not lovely enough to completely dampen his nerves.

“What do you know, this is even more tedious when there’s twenty three of you,” Sicheng mutters, and Jaehyun laughs, short and bright, and puts a careful arm around Sicheng’s shoulder.

Sicheng goes with it, falling into a familiar half-embrace.

See, it’s fine. This is fine, as is, he doesn’t need to rock the boat, make it weird, he’s seen it happen to others, he doesn’t need to—

He catches Jaehyun’s gaze and tries not to flush. Dammit. He knows Jaehyun noticed him frowning but is too polite, too non-intrusive to say anything about it.

God, sometimes Sicheng wishes he were like Ten, or Yuta, just — just throwing himself at people. (The next second, he feels absolutely disgusted by the thought.)

He glances down, to where Jaehyun’s fingers are fiddling with his own sleeve. Is he somehow also..?

He doesn’t know how it happens. He’s just looking — it’s fine — and then somehow, in a moment, or two or three, his fingers are touching Jaehyun’s fingers. Touching. And holding.

Holding his hand.

His fingers are colder than Sicheng’s. He never considered that they would be — he is usually the cold-blooded one compared to others, — but somehow, they are.

Somehow, it makes him want to keep holding.

So he does.

“Is this—“ he mumbles, belatedly.

“Okay,” Jaehyun says, finishing for him, easy, just like that.

Okay.

They stand there. Sicheng doesn’t feel any different. Much. He wants to do something about it — maybe he’s supposed to. After all, he hasn’t read any guides on handholding. He holds Bella’s paw sometimes, but it’s different.

In a fit of… curiosity? bravery? insanity? — he intertwines their fingers, finding Jaehyun accepting it without complaints. It feels okay. Maybe — just maybe — it feels nice. He doesn’t need his hand, right now, after all.

“Are you conducting an experiment,” Jaehyun finally murmurs. Sicheng glances at him to see his eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Maybe,” he whispers back, unwilling to attract any attention to the two of them. “You’re my first, ah… experiment.” God, he hates forgetting words.

“Test subject,” Jaehyun supplies.

“Test subject.”

Distantly, almost as if it’s happening to someone else, Sicheng feels Jaehyun’s thumb rubbing his skin. It doesn’t feel bad, just — intimate. Like maybe he wishes they weren’t in a room with, like, fifty other people.

It’s a bad line of thought.

“What are your findings so far?” Jaehyun asks, voice still carefully neutral. Sicheng wishes he could sound like that, sometimes.

It’s nice. Warm, despite Jaehyun’s weirdly cooler skin temperature. Nice. Safe.

“Inconclusive,” he murmurs.

“Ah,” Jaehyun says in the same tone. “Then, you will be… doing more tests?”

Maybe, if he can muster enough bravery. If they have more time together without too many eyes on them. If Jaehyun doesn’t mind.

“I hope so,” Sicheng squeezes out, finally.

Jaehyun just hums.

Time passes slowly. Somewhere along the way Sicheng almost stops thinking someone will see them and— and something.

“Who do you have in mind?”

Sicheng startles.

“What do you mean?” he asks, turning to Jaehyun in confusion.

He looks a little bit off. “I mean, for future… experiments.”

“Ah,” Sicheng says, dumbstruck, “ah, well.” He chews on his lip. “I didn’t — I haven’t — really. Thought about.”

“Oh.”

“Other… people. Yes.”

“Oh.”

Sicheng looks down, at their incriminating hands. Somehow, they feel even warmer.

“That’s — I’m.”

He wants to look — he doesn’t hear Jaehyun stumble over words much — but. He can’t. He squeezes his hand, instead.

“That’s fine,” Jaehyun finally mumbles.

Okay. Sicheng nods. Well — if so. Well.

“That’s fine,” he echoes, and feels an answering squeeze. 

They’re fine.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not very confident in writing these two, but i hope you like it! comments are very very welcome.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/boldmoonwalk) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/boldmoonwalk)


End file.
